"Behind every system, behind every rule stands a corpse and laughs. You can't tell me who I should sleep with. I don't work for wages. My life is a revolution... My life is a beautiful life... What you call freedom, I call waste... I will continue to love my own voice. If everyone becomes me, everything will collapse."

Bruno K. Ă–ijer

Thursday, November 26, 2009

A Fairy Tale About the Body

Dear Princes and King and the holy spirit,

It happened some time ago. I felt an erg to meet her, to know why is she so perfect. Her hair looked lovely that day. I could feel her dwaine power over other people. She was sparkling in the sun shine. My need was growing. Her skin was so soft. Oh, dear. How I loved her. The cold metal table was like a lovely dish plate. She knew I was looking at her, she posed for me. I looked around the rood. The small table near by had lots of sharp objects. It seemed to tempting to try one. So I did. Slowly I sank one in to her, I puled.. she didn't mind. She was smiling. She was forever my. She, the perfect little princes was feeling my cold steel.

Good Night,

Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Men of my Dreams #1

As he told me early that day, he will stay to cook some dinner. He sad he will never forget to pick up the prescription. We planed to move to the cabin in month or so. And then somebody moved me, shaked me hard, I felt how my long hair is hitting the walls. Everything was moving so fast, I got dizzy. I felt something is not right. And then, I woke up...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Happy Birthday little white trash to me

All in all, thank you for making the world a better place! It's always a pleasure talking to you and dear. Such dedication to the work and love to the humanity makes me horny. I promise you, I will dream you late at night, in the shower and oh, everywhere. Have a splendid evening and indulge my fantasy more ofter. Your little princess and white trash whore.

Good Night,

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I want to tell you a Story

All the pictures where taken and edited by me.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

ALFARMANIA and Violet Black Mist

The time had come. It's risen from ashes. Home town with all it's gypsy ghettos is somewhere under my red fingernails. The dark and cold Vilnius was talking to me. After several hours the smell of the rotten streets was so gentle and warm. Tempting and so familiar. Home sweet home. Then in the evening the grotesque wonderland of filth and porn opened up. There was a wonderful sounds coming from a dark basement. A leftover from soviet times. It was the best present for the sleepless night and 2 plain flights.

It was wonderful! Finely here in Vilnius we have some projects which with honor can be called Power Electronics. "Pogrom" and "Clo Goelach" pushed the red button inside my head. They made me do IT! MAGICALLY DIRTY. Like an old autopsy documentary, you can keep you hards off the screen. A need to touch is so strong. It's calling you, a lady in a fleshless dress is eating your desire. What can be better than deep and wholesome sound of PE.

As by mystery I had a part in it, here is the play list:

Nicole 12 - Substitute
Nicole 12 - Playground/Lolita Love
Survival Unit - Murder For The Mission
Folkstorm - Information Blitzkrieg
Mz 412 - Burning The Temple of God
Nazi UFO Commander - Strange Monasteries
F/I/T/H - Come Closer Cut Deeper
Subliminal - Coping
Subliminal - Gracebudd
VA 3A4ICTKA - Fuck The Modern World
Grunt - Europe After Storm
irm:virgin mind
Genocide Organ :IN-KONFLIKT:
Deutsch Nepal - a silent siege
Skin Crime - General Modification
Government Alpha - Sporadic Spectra
Atarax Morgue - Pathophyciolagy
Brighter Death Now - INNERWAR
SHIFT - Bulk
Martin Bladh - digre;the peter sotos files
VA Break Your Face
Brighter Death Now - Kamikaze Kabaret

It was a lullaby evening. Peaceful, in full harmony. A best fairytale before bed time.

Later On I got a nice surprise. The Alfarmania box set reached me hand in hand with "Nicole" an
d "Golden Geissel" tape.

Now dark violet lips and red nails are sinking slowly into Alfarmania box set.

"Martin Bladh - Digre;The Peter Sotos Files" is perfect to go near the Alfarmania LP. The "Dirge" CD is deep and pretty as a dirty old hospital. People tell you they're most personal stories. And in some twisted way you feel close to them. Almost in love and compassionate to they're life... Mesmerized by the sound and experience. The fantasy and the mind of an artist and the rapist. Hallelujah!

Good night,
Sonia Dietrich

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Time is ticking and ticking and ticking ....

Condido Human by GO - "In-Konflikt"is playing and it seems that everything that goes around is sintetick. There is no questions left here. Work is work, busyness is busyness and everything else is just the ticking on the wall. The small arrows are moving systematically. The hide and seek game is on from the first tick of that arrow.

This blog was meant to be something between my thoughts on my work and the work it self. I think some sort of stamen is missing here. Oh shit! How do I hate all this paper writings and explanations. Some people do this blogging as a diary. Maybe that's the way. Who knows. I'm spinings angan and again ant the fucking arrow is still here, still working. The big brothere have risen!

The introduction:

Age: 23
Sex: Female
Eyes: Blue
Hair: To long to be true
Body: None
Looking for: Not looking back
Political view: BURN ( anti new world order)
Religious view: Nihilist since 8

And everything else is just as it is a random bullshit. Let's pretend that they who will read will put me in more precise boxes with labels. Who is she, what is her interest and from where did she came from. All in all. It's Edinburgh. My home town Vilnius is in the kingdom far far far away.
And I'm here for my post-grad MFA of Painting at the E.C.A.
FBI SCI CIA ACAB KGB STT and so on and so on....

I'm working on my research proposal paper witch in year or so will become desertion.
Here was what i wrote to people who are getting in involved:

" I’m working on a paper witch is a Research proposal and basically the paper is about PE.
Research proposal:
" Violence and Women role in Power Electronics "

My biggest Ambition is to open this file witch in my opinion is really closed to public. I have no interest in making the music it self popular in any way. It’s more a small revolution and a spit on academic society. I’m an `Post grad MFA student of PAINTING in Edinburgh Collage of Art. I have a strong feeling that academic
society is pushed far from real issues in the world and consider everything as an conspiracy theory. They prefer everything to clean and to sterile . So my mission is to turn their sterile world in to everyday PE. It's a cultural terrorism. As I'm fed up with all that tiny cute shit!
If you would like to help me in a way, I would be really grateful. Basically I would like to ask you some questions and to hear your opinion on the topics mentioned above.

Thank you for your time,


The people who received the letter are my favorite PE artists round the globe. The group is building up. Soon it will be time to make a second step. This is the main thing now. Actually if I would leave sarcasm for a moment I can tell that I'm really happy about the project and if someone for some reason will tell me NO well I will just keep on working cause I really don't care. Stop. PE was and is a big part of my life. Well, this sounds so lame. But it is a huge part. The movies, books, art work, sounds, gigs, people everything is related. Full-Stop.

Neil ( the smart man who is responsible for academic thing we read and learn) told me to forget about painting. Well. It was hard, but I think I will do. I just wont go near the brush and pallet. No no no! I will not. But nobody told me I cant do collages, so I did, yes did. You know, I always do what people tell me to do. Yes yes yes! A week before we went to cove park. Yeah, that long and lovely place. So positive it sometimes make you sick. And it did...

Hm.. diary stile, yes please. So today:

Dear Princes and King and the holy spirit,
(they are the people, you know THE people)

My day stared kinda early at 8 something. I sayed
in bed and read a book. " The Bell Jar" by Sylvia Plath.
A wonderful book so far. Spent all morning with Miss Plath. Drinking coffee and smoking so much that my lungs started to hurt. It's a pity I haven't read it 5 years ago. But maybe it's the way it should be. Nice start.

Later on, after all the talk with the Queen I put my face on and went for a hunt. It was a particularly nice hurt. A hunt for flesh with discovery. A flesh with knowledge. A thinking flesh. I was as exited as a 6 year old first time driving into a hunted house at an amusement-park. Oh the rising of the pulse, the adrenalin, the terror. And then, after some time I spotted a target. It was an old woody and weirdly smelling thing. A place. And there, on the old shelf, there in the middle of all that chaos and different letters and pictures I had finely found them. Almost side by side. My victims, targets, lovers. Here are they:

They are wonderful. If you open them you can fell how blood is boiling and if you close them they keep silent. Silence is so delicate, you know they are always there with you and they will never betray you. Cause you are THE master as well as they are. They talk in different ways trying to touch your insides. Perfect. Just perfect. Delicate, painful, sweet and arrogant at moments... and honest at all times.

Fascinated I went slowly throw the shadows of the perfection on the paths and corners. Then reached a big building. Went in to the gate. Silence was paling out side. Little Nicole 12 was singing to me. And so, I entered. A place of magic and unknown. The ECA. The perfection! And here I'm till now. Walking throw the path of my memory

With all the love in the world,

So here we go, the diary part is over. Nothing left to hide.