With each bite I closed my eyes, seeing table cloths. Wire. White. Laced. Cream decorated edges. My teeth sink into flesh. Fig. It's bloody. Want to wear my fathers coat and get lost in smell of leather. Fumes. You tell me things. I hear lakes. Soft grass under my toes and fingers. Face down. Can't hear you. Any. Longer.
Seeing things, watching air. Hearing echo of self in glass. Time to go. Explore the emptiness. The eminence deafening, deep thorough. Touching fire with fingertips and hair swirls. Looking into eyes in slow motion while you recite the dialogue. In motion. I am touched! Letters, planed messages. Never sent.
Feel spring. My mouth is swollen. Skin dry. Need to get out. Walk. Mindlessly scraping pavement. With memories. Paranoid redirected resurrections. Woman with kind stake stare told my hands look cold. The gentleness of face towel. Sink. Hands. Sink. Floor. Sink. Towel. Reapply the lipstick Lepidolite. Red wine, full ashtray.
Touch self. As if nothing is never.
Seeing people in their old age, washed with arsenic and barely breathing. Pretending to be capable of natural, non autistic, face to face human contact. The longer one stays in a cave, the more make up I wear. The more awkward this gets. Can only talk about politics and noise. What is the norm in day to day chit chat. Contact!
Catch self talking about the weather or prescription medication. Take. Stay normal, neutral, natural. Laugh when need and go with the crowds reaction, so no one would know. How it burns!!!!!
The social norm, what the fuck are you?! Legs are covers in shiny black stuff, blood boiling. Smile through teeth. I wave, Jackie O inside has a burned off flaming black lipstick smile. Face melting -Fist rising - I am here for you, like democracy and strap-ons!
Give you what ever there is left of the the days. Period does not succeed and all your arteries are clogged with shit and violent expressions of purity. Never taken hens never gone but still never possessed.
Good night and god bless,
Queen Of Disorder,